You'll Be Loved
by yourmomlemon
Summary: Josh is tired of covering for Drake, tired of let Drake beat him up emotionally, so he speaks his mind. But can he rid himself of the secret love he's held in store for his brother all these years? DrakeXJosh. Slash. SORRY GUYS, IT'S ON HIATUS RIGHT NOW
1. Torn from Teasing

**Disclaimer: I don't own Josh or Drake… obviously. **

**Rated M for a possible lemon later on, and some adult themes. **

**I just wanted to make a Drake and Josh fic, because poor Josh is always made fun of! I think it's time he stood up to Drake. And, as I am a yaoi fangirl, I think they're a cute pairing, so here's what you'll get from me! xD It's not my first fic, but the first I've put online. Please no flames, advice and anything I did well would be GREAT! Enjoy.**

_What's the point anymore? Every single time I try to do things rights, Drake gets all the glory. He uses girls, and then goes and rips me off… And I let him. How? When did I get so weak? Why does everyone hate me? Am I that ugly? What did I ever do to deserve this?_

"I need you to help me sneak to the Premier." the brown haired teenager said bluntly as he walked into the room, proceeding towards the window. The crash of the door hitting the wall jarred Josh from his deep thinking, and he watched as the unworthy feet stepped over his scattered books whose pages were torn and frayed from being read countless times. Over journals full of essays strictly based on matter and logic; neither from the experience of sun kissing smiles onto a coat of sensitive skin, nor the feeling of breaking as masochism penetrates the very same, now burnt, skin.

Over dictionaries abundant with words that couldn't explain how love and hate work, or what it truly takes to sever the bond that has always been putting weight on your shoulders when all you want to do is run free. Free from guilt, free from embarrassment, free from love.

Josh had spent days studying these books, writing these journals, reading these dictionaries, but none of them had prepared him for these feelings; nothing had hurt as much as this revelation had in his life. He turned his head so that his eyes met his brothers and didn't even excerpt the strength to lower his jaw in accordance of saying no.

"What's the matter, man?" Drake questioned absently, noticing the tears that slid down his brothers cheeks. The punk honestly couldn't remember seeing Josh cry other than the various times he'd clumsily tripped and fell, or stubbed his tow, water then pooling in his eyes as he laughed and acted like the pain was nothing.

Seeing this weakness in Josh worried him, but the fear was practically subconscious. He didn't even notice it was there – through all of their crazy adventures, not one single moral or life-lesson sunk into his incapable mind. How could Josh expect him to care? How could he rely on the mischivious ass-hole that was his brother?

"Nothing." Josh mumbled, as he slowly got up, dragging his feet across the floor. Drake rolled his eyes as his moping brother passed him. Dread of Josh getting upset over nothing, yet again, set firmly through his body.

"What did Mindy dump you or something?" he asked sarcastically, solely for the purpose of stirring Josh.

"You know, _man," _Josh started, his gaze piercing Drake. "That happened a fucking month ago! She moved to Florida if you weren't paying attention! Oh, that's right, while I was crying for three days straight you were probably creating some scheme to steal all of my money so you could buy a new girlfriend, huh?" he roared, then collapsing in his bed. He buried his head in the pillow so that he could avoid Drake's face as the brown-hair boy figured a come-back.

But even though Drake defending himself seemed highly likely from Josh's position, the stupid teenager simply stood there in shock. What the tall senior said stupefied him… Josh had been absolutely right; Drake didn't notice that his brother was depressed. And what bothered him even moreso–Josh DID NOT swear. It was unheard of. He could recall the words in his mind: 'Bad language is immoral and uncivilized. There's no point, it only clouds a good vocabulary.' he had said when Drake described one of his ex-girlfriends as a bitch.

Several shockers electrified his mind. Something was seriously wrong, and if he really knew what was best for him, he would use his all to find out what.

"Josh, what's up?" he asked, more enthusiastically than before. His tone was truly worried–it sounded lost. The only response his brother made was turning his head so that he could glare at the punk. Curiosity of why Josh was like this wouldn't leave Drake's mind at peace. He inched his way forward until he was in front of the safety-obsessed senior. "I'm kinda worried," Drake admitted, and without warning, he was pulled by the collar into an unsuspected kiss. Too stunned to move, he stayed as he was; didn't move a muscle. Josh didn't waste time in turning it open-mouthed.

For a blissful thirty seconds, they were melted together; unapproached and left alone. Drake was surprised at his brother's skill. Softly, Josh slid his teeth across the very top of Drake's tongue, his tongue caressing the top of the brown-haired teen's mouth.

_Snap out of it! _Drake yelled inwardly, as he detached their lips. "That's sick!" he screamed without much thought. "Homo!"

"Yeah, I'm sick, so ya' better leave! Don't want you to catch it!" the tall boy yelled, pointing to the door.

"What's going on with you? We were best buds the other days, and now you're all pissed at me and getting gay towards my mouth!"

"Okay, fine. You really want to know? You steal everything from me! It's all your fault that I'm lonely, and you don't care in the slightest! I sick of you!" For once in his life, Drake's feelings were deeply hurt. Sure, he didn't show it most of the time, but he did care about Josh. And now, the one constant in his life had turned against him. He didn't have anything to say; he didn't know how to feel. His speechless mouth hung open as he sauntered towards his bed. "You know Drake, I'll be graduating soon, so don't bother fixing this. After I leave for college, I won't have time to be your lackey anyway." With those words, he exited the room.

Drake sat atop his loft, thoughts in a daze. He hadn't one idea what he was supposed to think anymore.


	2. Wanting and Willing

**Well, here it is. The continuation. I think that I portrayed Josh's sense of trust in this chapter; he can't hold a grudge for too long, it'd kill him! Anyhow, I'm not quite sure that I'm happy with the outcome. A friend named Perdue will be beta-ing this soon! **

**Drake, Josh (c) themselves story and characters (c) Dan Schneider**

_So, Josh is gay then…_

After an hour of deep thought, that was the only conclusion Drake's incapable mind had come to. Since the dramatic dispute—having occurred nearly an hour ago—the small brain inside the brunet's head had become something closely resembling the sticky, burnt oatmeal (yes, his stepfather was so mentally and physically slow that he could burn a liquid on accident) Walter attempted to feed him that very morning; not much had changed.

The long decisive hands inside of him skimmed over the 'gay' concept one more time before decreeing, for the tenth time, just how utterly weird and strange it was. Homosexuality only meant to him the occasional joke, as he'd only thought about it sincerely in passing. And, obviously enough, Josh had always been the strange boy. The vulnerable goody-goody that everybody just wanted to slam into a locker and give a wedgie. So, he had no one to blame for not realizing his brother's differentness than himself. What bothered him the most was how appealing the subject was to him.

Even though he knew it was absolutely crude and ridiculous, he wanted to know more about it. He looked at Josh the same way as he always had, except now, he actually wanted to get to know the buffoon. He wanted to give him a hug for his display of tremendous courage. And just when the thoughts were accustomed, he denied them. After all, they were way too quaint. How could something queer be interesting, anyway? It was just the same dork he'd been making fun of and using since middle school. The same dork who'd secretly been eyeing men his whole life…

That realization made Drake jump, and the bed shake. His guitar keeled over, making a cacophony of noise when it hit the ground. "Oh shit!" he snapped, leaping off the loft and plucking the prized possession from the ground as if he'd just commit a serious crime. Josh stalked into the room just as Drake was carefully placing his insanely important instrument on the stand.

"What happened?" he asked, caustic flares penetrating the consonants of the question. Drake's dark mahogany eyes averted his brother's, and his palms grew sweaty. He was still shaken up from the thought that hurled his guitar to the ground. His nervousness wouldn't allow him to say a word, and he grew embarassed. Josh narrowed his eyes and walked towards the brunet. "Stop with the acting, I told you to not fix this, okay?" but nothing changed. Drakes eyes were still intently staring at the ground, his face was still flushed, and his palms were just as wet as before. This was unfamiliar. Josh had never seen his brother act like this toward him. "Fine, you want me to talk... the... it meant nothing... this, see... the kiss meant nothing." But the statement wasn't convincing. Drake still said nothing. The dark haired senior grew angry again. "I said it meant nothing, stop acting like it's a big deal!" He was compelled to finish the sentence with 'I hate you', but his niceness lingered and he couldn't bring himself to do it. The two boys were close together now, perhaps a foot apart. "Fine," Josh spun around and headed for the door.

"What is wrong with you?" Drake finally demanded, not realizing that all he was just repeating the previous incident. More forcefully than he meant, he grabbed his brother's wrist to turn him around. Without looking at the arm he was grabbing, he continued talking. "Why are you so scared to tell me? If you're gay, just say it! I didn't like Mindy, but I was excited when you got together! What makes you think this is any different?" But then he noticed.

He noticed the wrist he was squeezing. There was a whimpy scratch etched into it. His eyes grew wide_. It must have been an accident_! He knew emo kids, and he didn't like any of them. He thought they were crazy. Primarily because he knew what they did to themselves... it didn't make any sense to him. Just the thought that Josh would even try something so stupid ashphyxiated him, and he was short of breath. "You... you didn't do this?" he said, breathlessly.

Fear and defiance clouded over the deep turquoise eyes, a gray flat look abducting them. Josh ripped away from his brother, without a reply. Holding his arm, he slipped away from Drake, who stood in his place, more confused than he had been in his life. His whole body went numb, and his vision was blurred. _So Josh is gay... and cutting? _With barely any control of himself, Drake wobbled his way to his brothers bed, parallel from where Josh was standing. The tall senior seemed to be debating whether to leave the room or not. The brunet eyed him, drowsily. His world was falling apart around him. Two things that the inane teenager made fun of compulsively to his friends were burdening on his shoulders, weighing him down... being terribly big deals. Forcing his eyes shut, he tried cleared his mind. The Josh he knew would never get near a knife, and that was certain.

"Talk to me." No sound came from the dark person he aimed his words at. "Can't you see that I'm just worried?" But the dark person was unrecognizable. It was _not_ the nice, funny boy he'd known since he was seven. A soft smile curved his lips when he remembered the day they met. Drake didn't even know he met his future brother that day, at the baseball game. It the first day he'd fought someone else for no reason.

Josh was the same innocent, clumsy boy then as he was in high school. Neither of the boys wanted a fight that day, but neither of them knew that they were both good people. Young Megan simply tossed an object at Josh's fat head, and the child helplessly threw random punches around himself. It was a sad defense system, but it seemed to work at the time. Poor Drake happened to be hit by one of the weak punches, and fought back. It was all because he got the last foam finger, they thought until 10th grade. But really, they got along upon their first meeting. They were friends. Hearing that two years ago, Drake became astonished. Perhaps they were meant to be friends. That was the incident that reassured it. And he knew it.

But now things were different. He was actually worried, and he couldn't help it. The only cure, he knew, was a lie.

"Josh, what if I told you I love you?" He yelled, unknowlingly telling the wrong lie. Josh's listless face morphed into something resembling happiness. It was too good to be true, and being his naive self, Josh believed every word of slimy deceipt his love interest was heartlessly throwing toward him.

"Then..." he began, not sure where to start with his complicated emotions. "I'd have to confess something... huge." The dark senior turned to face the brunet. His vibe glowed with happiness, but his countenance was stern. Drake's eyes only broadcasted his immeasurable fear, which was wholely disregarded by his clueless brother. 'Huge!' Josh nearly repeated, only serving as emphasis for the sure statement, but figured that the mood-change would frighten Drake. "I... I love you," he admitted, eyes stuck to the ground. A very dumbfounded pair of mahogony irises stared as the mouth that went with them gaped speechlessly. "And, I didn't do this... I swear. It was an accident... I don't know what I was thinking when I acted like I did. You know me," his swung up his arm as a gesticulation.

Within two seconds, Josh was an entirely different person. All it took was two words, and that made Drake insufferably angry. Before he knew it, his face flushed and he felt sweaty in awkward areas. Josh's words sunk into him. Not only had the dork been secretly eyeing men his whole life, he'd been eyeing Drake.

"Why?" was all he managed to say, with good reason. What attracted Josh in the first place? Just an hour ago, the senior was yelling about how much he hated the brunet, and now he was spouting off about how the love was crazy and abundant. An epiphany hit Drake hard: he really was an awful person. During the time he knew his brother, he treated him horribly. Called him names, stole his money. And apologized... time and time again. He never meant it, even he knew that. His guilt overwhelmed his senses. "Why would you love me?" he muttered, deep in mind. "I'm the worst of the worst..." he finished, getting closer to Josh with one step, and placing his hand on his brother's cheek as he slowly began to plant a soft kiss. It was pity kiss. It was also the most amazing, real, and genuine kiss he had ever given.

For a second he meant it. For a second he put his full emotion into it. For one second he wanted to make his brother as happy as possible. To make up for everything he'd done, he almost felt like giving himself to Josh. Almost.


End file.
